Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Stressed and my many reasons

I have been very stressed these past couple of months. I have been pressured by a lot of people on what I should do next in my life. Bishop and mom are pressuring me or talking a lot about going on a mission. Friends are talking a lot about moving out, looking for a place, signing a lease. This is why Im stressed. I think both are a great option for me. If it were possible for me to be in two places at once I would be a happy girl.Neither seems to be moving along one way or the other. I want to make the right decision. This is why Im stressed.

Along with being stressed I have been very on edge lately. Maybe I over reacted but I was having a very stressful day at work. It was busy and I wasnt feeling all that great. (Ive had some weird rash on my neck and a real swollen throat, kind of have been short of breath which freaks me out) I got a text from my moms husband, Mark. It was a picture message of the silverware drawer. I had recently put away the dishes out of the dishwasher. The text said " are you kidding me? " I guess some of the silverware was out of place or not stacked how he likes it to be. I was completely offended. It wasnt a " Thanks for putting the dishes away " text it was a critical text" are you kidding me?"
All I was trying to do was help.

I got home from work, still feeling sick so I decided to eat. I sat down by the tv while eating and my mom and Mark talked about the new side table they had bought for the room. They said how they wont put the table out till I am gone because I didnt use a coaster.They both laugh like its a joke. I thought ok I should have used a coaster but theres no reason you should act like Im a little kid who smeared paint or markers all over the table. I forgot to use a coaster its not the end of the world. It certainly isnt a reason to say what they said.

My mom got around to asking how my day was I told her I still wasnt feeling good. I got up and said I better put my glass away since it didnt have a coaster under it. This is where my sarcasm comes into play. My mom then said how Im being selfish and that I have my stuff everywhere, which is certainly not the case. She went on talking about how I moved in a have boxes everywhere. That it was wrong for me to have boxes of my stuff in the shed. That I was being disrespectful for having those boxes there. Im already stressed about the house situation and if Im moving or when Im moving and then they add more stress by acting like Im taking up all the house here. I cant even count how many times they have mentioned that I have boxes here. Im really sick of hearing it. It makes me feel like I dont have a place to be home at. Sometimes I feel like I have to be so cautious here that it doesnt even feel like a home. This transition from moving out of my old house to Marks hasnt been easy on any of us. They like to bring it up a lot and it usually involves me and how Im taking up space. Lately thats how Ive felt like a used up space. I went from feeling stressed to sad to stressed some more. I havent felt this stressed in a while. I wish my family would be just a little more understanding of it and instead of criticizing me so much and focusing on the negative. Focus on the time we do get to spend together. I feel like thats how families are anymore. At least thats how mine is. Its all about the one not the family as a whole.Families rarely point out the good in each other, because its too easy to point out everything that is wrong. I really dont like living at "home" its been a huge stress. Moving out will be stressful but hopefully not as bad as its been here. If my roomates send me pictures of the silverware drawer or tell me I need to use a coaster I just might freak out. I really hate stress. Its good for no one.

1 comment:

  1. *hugs*hugs*

    sorry :(

    I'm excited you're coming for dinner tonight!