Sunday, July 17, 2011

Thinking outloud

I gotta say I am really not getting used to this new ward like I would hope for, but, I love my relief society in my new ward. My mom has challenged me to meet a new person each week and so far Ive been able to do that despite my shyness around new people. The things these girls teach and what they share during lessons is amazing. I love the things I am learning. Today we talked about Eternal Marriage. Its something that I usually don't like hearing about. I have a really really difficult time with the whole Eternal family idea and the fact that you have to be married for Celestial glory. I had a really hard time with my parents temple divorce and Im still working on accepting it. I have realized something. They say Families can be together forever, and that always upsets me when I hear that. I feel like "sure your family will be together forever, but what about mine?" Then it occurred to me. I never looked at the word can. They can be together, not they will. Understanding and accepting that agency plays a big role in a marriage and a Celestial family has always been very troubling to me, because it is very personal to me. Today in relief society I was able to realize that I just overlooked it all. That it is a can and I need to work on accepting the fact that it is what it is. I still have a small hope that it will all work out and that the can isn't what will keep people from having the family they want. A few weeks ago I came to realize something else. I was sitting in the foyer outside trying to listen to what the speaker was saying. People were walking by me and talking and making noise and I could barely hear the person who was speaking. I had to focus very hard to even hear a portion of what they were saying. I was upset that I couldnt hear. I was still able to learn something. I learned that I let little distractions like the people talking or walking by me keep me away from the things that I really want to focus on. It becomes so hard to focus on what I really want to focus on in life. I want to try to eliminate those distractions out of my life. Why do distractions always get in the way and consume us? I hate distractions that keep me from doing things I need to do to be who I really want to be. I feel like sometimes we can get so far down a road that we dont realize we never meant to be on. I feel like it is those distractions that do that to us. So the rest of the summer Im going to try to eliminate those distractions and focus more on me.

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