Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Dating

Dating: what an awful, fantastic, bitter, exciting, sometimes completely frightening word. I have thought a lot about dating recently (probably because of my lack of ). I have had I think 4 or 5 guys ask me out recently. When I say recently I mean within the last month or so. Did I actually go out on a single date ? No. Why ? Because for whatever the reason, I just know that I wouldn't want to have a second date with any of them. I don't even have to go out with them to know this. I'm a 24 almost 25 year old girl who I like to think is experienced enough in dating to know what I would want in a future boyfriend. Dating the guys I have in my past have helped me to know exactly what I want to date in my future. Is it wrong to not want to waste their time, or mine, or their money? Sometimes I feel guilty for turning them down.The guys that are close to my age are always told that they need to ask girls out on dates. They are told that they need to stop being chickens or jerks or selfish or cocky or shy or whatever it is that is keeping them from dating these amazing single girls. I just hope I'm not that girl that ruins it for the girl who is waiting for these guys to ask them out. I don't want to be the reason the guy was hurt because I was happened to be the wrong girl he asked first, the girl who turned them down knowing that. Guys should know that it isn't easy for us girls to turn you down. We really are ( most of us) thinking of your feelings, as ironic as that seems. Just because we don't want to date doesn't mean that you need to avoid us, or stop being our friend all together. I've had several of those dating casualties recently. I actually had a friend of mine stop all contact with me because I didn't feel like we should date exclusively. Dating creates tension and awkwardness and it ruins friendships. This is the norm, or at least my norm. Sometimes dating is hopeful and fun and romantic. I'm just on the opposite end of that right now.

I mean not one of these guys would I want to kiss. Doesn't that say something? You should want to kiss the boy who takes you out. My problem is this, I'm worried. I'm holding out for that guy, the one I think about the whole day at work before our date. That guy that I want to look cute for. That guy that in anticipation of the date I try on lots of outfits and jewelry and shoes just to get the right look for when he picks me up. That guy that I want to see again, that guy that I want to kiss. Is he really for a fact a part of my dating future? This turning guys down because they are simply the wrong guy for me is getting really old. I'm starting to feel like a real prude and one that is boring and would rather sit at home watching tv painting my toenails then going on a date with a fun although completely wrong for me guy. This is my problem with not dating. I am perfectly content with going to a movie or shopping or dinner by myself and people think that is odd. If I can't find someone to go out with but there is a movie I really want to see, why can't I go see it by myself? Dating has made it out to be a bad thing if you go do something alone. I'm going alone because I want to. Just because I don't go out  on dates doesn't mean the chance to go wasn't there. Sometimes I feel like I need to wear a sign around my neck informing people of that. And sometimes there is a really good show on tv that night or my toe nails really do look really bad and are in need of that paint. 


I never really watched sex and the city but I found this:

Carrie: When it comes to relationships, maybe we're all in glass houses, and shouldn't throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less. Than butterflies...
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Carrie: Think about it. If you are single, after graduation there isn't one occasion where people celebrate you ... Hallmark doesn't make a "congratulations, you didn't marry the wrong guy" card. And where's the flatware for going on vacation alone?
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Carrie: I used to think those people who sat alone at Starbucks writing on their laptops were pretentious posers. Now I know.
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Carrie: You have to figure ... if the world's fattest twins can find love, there's hope for all of us. Somewhere out there is another little freak who will love us, understand us, and make it all better.
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Carrie: I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.
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Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.




So there you have it, I'm waiting. I'm waiting for Love, Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. (and I'm going to try to not let dating the wrong guy get in the way of finding that )


5 comments:

  1. I'm just going to give my two cents. Maybe you were quick to judge these guys. It's not a waste of time to go on a date. Just because you think you wouldn't want to go on a second date maybe you'd be surprised if you went out. Guys can be very different when you go out with them. And there isn't always an instant connection. We have a friend here that him an his fiancé had like five bad first dates before they realized there was something there.

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  2. I'm kind of with Mallory on this one. Except I totally get that some nights it's more fun to stay in than go out. So there I'm with you. Plus I LOVE doing stuff on my own. A movie by yourself is sometimes better than with someone.

    I'm also with you on holding out for "real love (finish quote here...)" I don't think you should "settle" for any guy you don't love. You deserve real love. But you might be surprised where you find that "real love." It could be with someone who you don't like at first (e.g. Elizabeth Bennett & Mr. Darcy in Pride & Prejudice). I'm not saying you have to go out with every boy who asks you. And you don't have to kiss every frog. But maybe once in a while it wouldn't hurt ;).

    OK - this comment is long enough. Love you Heather!

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  3. I agree with the ladies above. I don't think it's a waste of time or money to go on a date just because you don't think it will go anywhere. Dating should be fun and sometimes that's the best thought to have when you go on a date, to not think it will go anywhere.

    That's exactly what I thought with Dan when he asked me on a date. I thought that it would never go anywhere (not because I didn't like him or because I didn't think he was cute, I did, it was just that he was living in a different state). Even though I thought that, I still went on the date and it was great! I wasn't worried about saying something dumb or anything so I was able to just be myself and now I'm married to him.

    So you never know. I'm not saying that if you start going out with these guys who you don't think you'd want to date that you'll get married to them or whatever but you may get to know them better as friends or just end up having a really fun time. Don't be too quick to say no (sometimes is ok and probably very necessary in some cases haha but give it a chance).

    Sorry that was SO long! Good luck!

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  4. Trust me girls these guys are wrong for me. I mean really wrong for me. I don't want to date them to confirm that. I love you all but I still stand by what I said and how I feel haha

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  5. I will try not to beat a dead horse. Before I met Troy I was the same as you. I didn't want to waste my time. I skipped out on guys. If you can remember when Troy and I met I was praying he wouldn't ask for my phone number. And then he found me on FB and I ignored him. And then I got stuck on a sort of date with him and I was so annoyed. And then because I got stuck on a sort of date with him I actually started talking to him and then I really liked him. And I was smitten. And I still am. I'm not saying you have to give every guy a chance.... just be open.

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