I havent been able to sleep tonight. After cleaning and listening to music I started thinking about something. It is almost the 3 year mark of the last time me and my dad talked to each other. I have been thinking about my family especially my dad. I keep having this piercing feeling that nags at me. The feeling is that I need to work on the relationship I have with my dad. I have had reminders of how fragile life is and how quickly our loved ones can be taken from us. Do I really want to waste any more time I have with my dad? Do I want the last time I talked to him to be the last time we talked? For that to be the last memory either of us have of each other? Problem is I dont know how to go about talking to him again. Its not that easy. We have quite the past and I have my reasons for not talking to him. I dont see the problems that led to us not talking being any better and I dont think they have been fixed. I dont know that they ever will be. I want my family in my life I want my dad to know me and I want to be around him more. I got in a fight with my brother yesterday and he told me that when I get married if I get married in the Temple he wont be a part of any of my wedding that day. He told me he doesnt want anything to do with that day if I chose to get married that way.I couldnt believe hed say that to me. It hit me deep. I realized that not him or my other brother or dad will be at the Temple with me on that day. That is their choice. I just wish it didnt affect me in the way it does.I want more then anything to have my dad there when I get married but with how things are I just dont see that happening. It makes me sad the people I want with me wont be. In a way they arent with me now either. Our difference in belief has put such a space between us as a family. I hate it. I want my dad in my life. Despite all weve been through he is my dad and I just want him around. I want him to want to be around. I miss him.