I really should be in bed asleep right now but I had to get some of my feelings out there and since I'm far to tired to write it all down in detail in my journal I am resorting to blogging. I know how pathetic I am to do this but here I am. I would like to explain a few things first. My day was average. It was a Saturday and that meant work, just like every Saturday. Work went good I love work. After work I went to the stake center and listened to the General Relief Society Broadcast. I went alone but was way glad I was off work in time to go. The entire time I felt the spirit. I knew that what was taught was exactly what was needed for the women in the church. What was needed for me. I especially loved President Monsons talk. He was so personal with the message he shared. He talked on not judging others and how we need to "not look at others through dirty windows." Differences should not be a reason you judge others. I wont go into too much detail on the specifics of his talk but lets just say it had a lot to do with similar things I've been noticing in my own life. I kept thinking how I need to love others more or how I need to stop judging others so quickly. There are plenty of friends of mine that I had no idea were as great as they are until I was almost forced to be friends and then came to realize that they are completely amazing. I have probably 3 or 4 friends that I can honestly say I would have never been friends with if I were basing it on first impressions. How unfair is that? I think about the friends I wouldn't have if I would have followed through with my accusations. It makes me sad to think that I wouldn't have them in my life. They play a huge part in my life. I love our prophet and I love that he talked about charity and how "it is the opposite of criticism." That "charity is love in action." I felt so great after I left the broadcast. I met up with some friends and we decided to go to a movie. The meeting up went something like this:
MO: " Hey are you coming (speaking to friend 1 on the phone) "
F1: " Who's all coming? I'm trying to convince our other friend to come too"
MO: "Me, Aaron and Heather."
F1: " Heather ? which Heather?" We dont really get along all that well so Im going to pass on the movie this time."
The entire time Im sitting there listening to this and am
1.Glad my friend hung up on the jerk.
2. Shocked that a "friend" would say something like that to another friend of mine.
I think that friend 1 really should have said "I dont always get along with Heather," not "we dont always get along." I really dont have many problems with this friend. Until now I guess. After the phone call; me, Melissa and Aaron ended up going to the movie now later than planned because we were waiting for "friend 1" to meet up with us. On the ride I had a lot going through my head and I was trying not to cry. Mostly I was just mad that a "friend " of mine would say something like that. I really dont understand. It would make sense if some big event or fight happened between me and this friend to make him feel that way but nothing has happened. Here I am sitting there feeling horrible because of what someone said. I really did feel awful. I'm not saying I have no fault in it but if I did I'd at least like to know about it. I HATE loosing friends I HATE it more than most things I can think of. It wasn't until recently that I have even had to try so hard at keeping friends as friends.
On the rest of the car ride all I could think of was the friends I care so much about but really don't want to loose, I then again felt really horrible about the situation and the phone call from earlier. I went from this broadcast where the Prophet spoke about such important things and really feeling the spirit. I went from something so great to something that could have been equally great to feeling crappy and upset. I am mad that a friend would say things knowing it isn't nice and knowing it will hurt another friends feelings. I am mad that I used to me good friends with this person and now they don't feel like they even want to go to a movie in a group with me there. I am mad that I will see this person in my group of friends and feel weird that I'm there with him maybe not wanting me there. I am mad that I even have to worry about that. I am mad that this friend is constantly putting me down. I am mad that I let what he said affect me.
The movie was great it was about high school rivals the mom in the movie gave great advise she said
"We can't control how others treat us, the only thing we can control is how we react."
I might not be reacting in the best way. I admit I talked about it to my other friends for most of the car ride. I told them I was mad. I am sitting here hours later after it even happened blogging about it and later I'll probably even write about it in my journal. It might not be the most mature way to react. I am just mad, mad that I have friends in my life who would treat another friend so unkindly and not even think twice about it. Little things like this have come up a lot with this friend and to be honest I really don't know what he is basing it off of. He is obviously upset or was upset at one time with something I did. He puts me down all the time and it's always in front of my other friends. I have tried to just not react. I always say how it's rude he'd say that and then I'd keep anything else I wanted to say to myself.Which is way hard for me to do I have not filter and if I want to say something I'll usually say it. I've even confronted him later about it and told him how it hurt my feelings. He acts like its no big deal and he obviously keeps doing it. A friend wouldn't say things to intentionally hurt another friend. If they do they aren't worth your time, your energy, your self worth. They take so much effort to try and maintain the friendship that it really isn't a friendship at all. I am so done with these types of friendships. I try to be a good person and I care about my friends. I never want to hurt them. My friends play such an important part in my life especially now. I really am not ok with the "friends" who make me feel worse about myself . I wont let them do that to me anymore. A friendship isn't a one sided deal it's two sided and it takes both to make it work. I am just over it. I'm done with those friendships. I don't want any one to feel singled out in any way, I really do love the friends I have. I wouldn't be so upset if I didn't care so much about my friends . I've just realized that there comes a point that you don't have to continue to be hurt over and over again by the same people. It just isn't worth it. I am going to really try harder to not judge others, to keep my friends that I have and to love and react in the right way when things like this come up. (I'm not counting this time because right now I'm hurt and I really want to complain about it.) It is true that we have no control over how others treat us or how they will react to how we treat them, but we DO have control over how we react. I found some songs. One I heard on the way home from the movie tonight and they go something like this.
cooler than me by:Mike Posner If I could write you a song, To make you fall in love, I would already have you up under my arm. I used up all my tricks, I hope that you like this. But you probably won't, You think you're cooler than me. You got designer shades, Just to hide your face and You wear 'em around like, You're cooler than me. And you never say hey, Or remember my name. And it's probably 'cause, you think you're cooler than me. You got your high brow, Shoes on your feet, And you wear them around, Like it ain't shit. But you don't know, The way that you look, When your steps Make That Much Noise. Shh I got you, All figured out, You need everyone's eyes just to feel seen. Behind your makeup Nobody knows Who you even are Who do you think that you are? If I could write you a song, To make you fall in love, I would already have you up under my arm. I used up all my tricks, I hope that you like this. But you probably won't, You think you're cooler than me. You got designer shades, Just to hide your face and You wear 'em around like, You're cooler than me. And you never say hey, Or remember my name. It's probably cause, you think you're cooler than me. You got your high brow, Switching your walk, And you don't even look when you pass by. But you don't know, The way that you look. When your steps make That Much Noise Shh I got you, All figured out, You need everyone's eyes just to feel seen. Behind your makeup Nobody knows who You even are Who do you think that you are? Cause it sure seems (it sure seems) You got no doubt But we all see You got your head in the clouds If I could write you a song, To make you fall in love, I would already have you up under my arm. I used up all my tricks, I hope that you like this. But you probably won't, You think you're cooler than me. --- |
There's always someone cooler than you
by:Ben Folds
Smile like you've got nothing to prove No matter what you might do There's always someone out there cooler than you I know it's hard to believe But there are people you meet They're into something that is too big to be Expressed through their clothes And they'll put up with all the poses you throw And you won't even know That they're not sizing you up They know your mom messed you up Or maybe let you watch too much TV But they'll still look in your eyes To find the human inside You know there's always something to see Beneath the veneer Not everybody made the list this year Have a beer Make me feel tiny if it makes you feel tall But there's always someone cooler than you Yeah, you're the shit but you won't be it for long Oh, there's always someone cooler than you Yeah, there's always someone cooler than you Now that I've got the disease In a way I'm relieved 'cause I don't have to stress about it like you do. I might just get up and dance Or buy some acid wash pants When you don't care then You've got nothing to loose And I won't hesitate Because every moment life it slipping away It's okay Make me feel tiny if it make you feel tall But there's always someone cooler than you Yeah, you're the shiz but you won't be it for long But there's always someone cooler than you Oh, there's always someone cooler than you Yeah,there's always someone cooler than you There's always someone cooler than Life is wonderful Oh, life is beautiful We're all children of one big universe So you don't have to be a chump And you know that I won't hesitate 'cause every moment life is slipping away It's okay Make me feel tiny if it make you feel tall Because there's always someone cooler than you Yeah, you're the shiz but you won't be it for long But there's always someone cooler than you Oh yeah, there's always someone cooler than you Because there's always someone cooler than you President Monson said in his talk: "Life is perfect for none of us." I believe that one hundred percent. So why should we be the reason someone feels negative about themselves or why should we be the reason an opportunity is missed to make it a little easier for someone else? Who are we to ever make someone feel they are any less important than the rest of us? Life is hard for all of us and we should do what we can to make it a little easier. We need to do what we can to make others feel the best they can about themselves not the other way around. So thank you friend 1 for helping me to see that. You are mean and I'm not ok with how you treated me, but I am glad I was able to learn a little something and understand it a little better after what happened tonight. And most important thank you friends who made the night awesome, by going to a movie and not saying that you were going to bail because I was there. thank you |
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